Ponders for the day

[Lizzy]

Ponders for the Day

1 Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can't even get into my own
pants.

2 Marriage changes passion. Suddenly you're in bed with a relative.

3 I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it. So I said
"implants?" She hit me.

4 I don't do drugs. I get the same effect just standing up fast.

5 Sign in a Chinese pet store: "Buy one dog, get one flea....."

6 I live in my own little world. But it's okay. They know me here.

7 I got a sweater for Christmas. I really wanted a screamer or a moaner.

8 If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?

9 I don't approve of political jokes. I've seen too many of them get
elected.

10 I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you
want to annoy for the rest of your life.

11 I am a nobody, and nobody is perfect; therefore, I am perfect.

12 Every day I beat my own previous record for number of consecutive days I
have stayed alive.

13 How come they choose from just two people to run for president and 50
for Miss America?

14 Isn't having a smoking section in a restaurant like having a peeing
section in a swimming pool?

16 Why is it that most nudists are people you don't want to see naked?

17 Snowmen fall from Heaven unassembled.

18 Every time I walk into a singles bar I can hear Mum's wise words: Don't
pick that up, you don't know where it's been.

18 A good friend will come and bail you out of jail... but a true friend
will be sitting next to you saying, "Damn, that was fun!"

19 I signed up for an exercise class and was told to wear loose-fitting
clothing. If I HAD any loose-fitting clothing, I wouldn't have signed up in
the first place!

20 When I was young we used to go "skinny dipping", now I just "chunky
dunk".

21 The worst thing about accidents in the kitchen is eating them.

22 Don't argue with an idiot; people watching may not be able to tell the
difference.

23 Wouldn't it be nice if whenever we messed up our life we could simply
press 'Ctrl Alt Delete' and start all over?

24 Stress is when you wake up screaming and then you realise you haven't
fallen asleep yet.

25 My wife says I never listen to her (at least I think that's what she
said).

26 Just remember ... if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off.

27 If raising children were going to be easy, it never would have started
with something called LABOUR.

28 Wouldn't you know it ... brain cells come and brain cells go, but FAT
cells live for ever.

[Rialon]

*ROFL*
Some really hit the spot!

[deda]

23 Wouldn't it be nice if whenever we messed up our life we could simply
press 'Ctrl Alt Delete' and start all over?

Yep, this one's called suicide...

[Niano]

Lol, that is if you belive in reincarnation. Otherwise its more of a "close all programs" button