Some Fun Facts about Jack Bauer

[one]

 

# If you wake up in the morning, it's because Jack Bauer spared your life.

# Jack Bauer would laugh in the face of danger, but Jack Bauer doesn't laugh.

# If Jack was in a room with Hitler, Stalin, and Nina Myers, and he had a gun with 2 bullets, he'd shoot Nina twice, then kill both dictators with his bare hands.

# Jack Bauer was never addicted to heroin. Heroin was addicted to Jack Bauer.

# Upon hearing that he was played by Kiefer Sutherland, Jack Bauer then killed Sutherland. Jack Bauer gets played by no man.

# Jack Bauer would have gotten the ring to Mordor in 24 hours.

# Jack found Waldo in one hour. The only reason he didn't find him sooner was because of daylight savings time.

# Jack Bauer does not sleep. The only rest he needs is what he gets when he's knocked out or temporarily killed.

# You're either with Jack Bauer or against him. If you're against Jack Bauer, you're either dead or will be soon.

# When Jack Bauer gets within ten miles of you, you automatically start sweating.

# If Jack Bauer asks you to trust him you are compelled by your DNA to do what he says.

# In God we trust, but God trusts Jack Bauer.

# Reading facts about Jack Bauer is more additive than heroin.

# Jack Bauer's calender goes from March 31st to April 2nd. No one fools Jack Bauer.

# In 96 hours, Jack Bauer has killed 93 people and saved the world 4 times. What have you done with your life?

# If Jack says "I just want to talk to him/her" and that him/her is you... well amigo, you're screwed.

# If you get 7 stars on your wanted level on Grand Theft Auto, Jack Bauer comes after you. You don't want to get 7 stars.

# If Jack Bauer asks for your car, give it to him. And your wife.

# When asked at a restaurant how he likes his steak, Jack Bauer replies, "Just knock off the horns and wipe its ass."

# Jack Bauer got Hellen Keller to talk.

# Jack Bauer can stare directly at the sun.

# If Jack Bauer says "Dammit!" more than once in a 24 hour period, don't be in L.A.

# When Google can't find something, it asks Jack Bauer for help.

# Jack Bauer can do one handed push-ups with no hands.

# In kindergarten, Jack Bauer killed a terrorist for Show and Tell.

# One of the best kept secrets of 24 is that every season of 24 happens on the summer solstice. That is why Jack always says, "Today is the longest day of my life."

# As a child, Jack Bauer's first words were "There's no time!"

# Jack Bauer's family threw him a surprise birthday party when he was a child. Once.

# Losing a colleague or loved one for Jack Bauer is comparable to the feeling of missing the elevator for most people.

# Jack Bauer loves reality TV. That's why he allows FOX to follow him around.

# Jack Bauer once won a game of Connect 4 in 3 moves.

# Jack Bauer always gets checkmate in one move.

# Jack Bauer can hit two birds with no stones.

# Jack Bauer knows what you did last summer.

# Fox executives once tried to cancel 24.... but Kiefer Sutherland asked " Are you a mole?" and it was never tried again.

# Jack Bauer can watch all 4 seasons of 24 in 24 hours.

# Jack Bauer played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.

# Jack Bauer doesn't lose weight, weight loses Jack Bauer.

# There once was a man from Nantucket. Jack Bauer shot him.

# Jack Bauer actually finishes every mission in under five minutes. The 24 hours is just creative editing.

# Killing Jack Bauer doesn't make him dead. It just makes him angry.

# Superman wears Jack Bauer pajamas.

# Guns don't kill people, Jack Bauer does.

# Everytime Jack Bauer yells "NOW!" at the end of a sentence, a terrorist dies.

# Jack Bauer can get McDonald's breakfast after 10:30.

# Those guys on Prison Break should give up, Jack Bauer will only hunt them down next season.

# Oil and water don't mix, unless Jack Bauer tells them to.

# When Jack Bauer takes a dump he doesn't have to flush because his crap is so scared of him it goes straight to the drain by itself.

# Jack Bauer has never taken a dump that has lasted more than 4 minutes and 37 seconds. Due to the graphic nature of these dumps, however, they are taken during commercial breaks.

# Jack Bauer named his cat Chuck Norris. Why? Because he's a pussy. 

[Proph]

# Jack Bauer does not sleep. The only rest he needs is what he gets when he's knocked out or temporarily killed.

if Jack's such a tough guy, why does he get knocked out or temporarily killed?

[one]

# Jack Bauer does not sleep. The only rest he needs is what he gets when he's knocked out or temporarily killed.

if Jack's such a tough guy, why does he get knocked out or temporarily killed?

So he could get some rest/sleep!

[deda]

This guy can kick Bauer's ass

Your crush mauls an undead umberhulk.
An undead umberhulk's claw decimates you.
An undead umberhulk grabs you and slams you to the ground with bone crushing force!
An undead umberhulk's body crush wounds you.
An undead umberhulk grinds you against the ground with brutal skill.
An undead umberhulk's ground control decimates you.
An undead umberhulk traces an arcane rune and starts chanting, 'Ayale nofra shanto ninnaes.'
The air before you flares up and an undead umberhulk's spell reflects!
Your spellturning field dissipates with a crackle of blue energy.
An undead umberhulk spreads its hands and hissing black acid sprays forth.
An undead umberhulk's acid spray *** DEMOLISHES *** it!
An undead umberhulk is covered in bleeding wounds.

See? He can crush and cast a spell at the same time. I bet Bauer can't do that!

[Lizzy]

*coughs* *blushes* And, who is Jack Bauer when he is asleep? OR awake even!

[one]

You must be from a past?!
 

[Lizzy]

You must be from a past?!
 

Deary, I am from a WAY past. Not sure which past though - or is that which planet?

And from a past - I take it you mean - I am - OLD??           Most grandmothers are oldish?    oooooh, eldest grandaughter just turned 4, grandson turns 2 next week, and other grandaughter turns 3 end of October - and grandchild number 4 is due in about 4 weeks!!! YES!!! WOO HOOO more babies!!!!

[one]

no comment 

[deda]

Check this out:

he Demogorgon breathes out a cloud of poisonous gas!
The Demogorgon's blast of gas MANGLES you!
The ground rumbles and steaming water erupts beneath the Demogorgon's feet!
Your searing geyser devastates the Demogorgon.
Your ironskin shatters from the blows!
The Demogorgon's eyes slide out of focus as she utters, 'Simpa akherlem cilth maran.'
The air before you flares up and the Demogorgon's spell reflects!
Your spellturning field dissipates with a crackle of blue energy.
The Demogorgon has a few scratches.

Two spells at the same round! Demogorgon beats them all!

[deda]

ina, the heavenly empowered grabs you and slams you to the ground with bone crushing force!
Mina, the heavenly empowered's body crush wounds you.
Mina, the heavenly empowered grinds you against the ground with brutal skill.
Mina, the heavenly empowered's ground control wounds you.
Mina, the heavenly empowered seems to sink into trance and mutters, 'Chronlir ehanso alasse.'
Mina, the heavenly empowered's spell is cast upon empty air.
Mina, the heavenly empowered traces an arcane rune and starts chanting, 'Maele alasse barthal wiakhs.'
Mina, the heavenly empowered is filled with strong restorative energy, as her wounds mend.
You rub the dirt out of your eyes.
Mina, the heavenly empowered is gushing blood.

Mina is even better!

[Lizzy]

AAAAAAHHHHHHHHH Who is he? 

[deda]

Jemma, you really need to explore more...